The Future

Why is fate always so despairing? When humans want to be happy, why do they make others miserable? These two questions has been asked in my head many times. I don't know why but yea I do. I feel regret about many things. My high school year has ended and many memories have been made. Many friends will be long lasting yet many won't be. I will always cherish all of my friends no matter who they are. Everyone is important to me, I will not forget what you guys have done. During these very first weeks of summer, three of my friends are already spreading out towards their future. We went out, did some fun and sometimes crazy stuff, and just did random things that hopefully will be in each other memories. There will be more people spreading apart and they always say "I'll see you again" or something but I fear this may not be true. I see friendship as very delicate, something that people shouldn't just break so easily. Sometimes I seek the needs for my friends before myself because I would like to have a strong friendship, something that could last. Well I guess we'll see in the coming years. I hope there is still a meeting point where everyone will meet. I hope there will be many and not just one.

High school was fun, yet I've brought too many regrets with me. Some I can easily let go but yet some I can't. These few regrets has been with me for a while. I have tried to forget them but it is impossible to forget. There are so many "What if" questions that it angers me to think of them. Starting as a freshman, I did not know the changes that would occur in high school. I wasn't prepared and so I was a step behind people. Fortunately, I've regained the step but it was already too late to do what I was suppose to do. So now I have regrets. I've jumped to conclusions too soon, I never really just did it. Well regrets or not, I will try to use these as much of a positive method as I can. I can finally start fresh at San Diego. I won't really be changing myself to the extent but you'll see a different me. Perhaps it'll be the same me but I don't know. I will start this freshman year prepared for what's to come. I will try my best to make everyday the best it could be. I will try to not wait for tomorrow and just do it today. I can't just keep thinking there will be a chance tomorrow, I must take every chance I can and see where it goes. Well it'll be the same me but with more confidence. So I guess it's different from the usual me. Hopefully with all of this, there will be no regrets. Nothing to remember holding back on.

Well as I was saying earlier about the questions, the second question is the hardest and easiest to answer. I try to make people happy. I want to make people happy. I like having smiles. I love hearing laughter. Yet who am I doing this for? Am I doing this for others or for me? I tend to be happy when others are happy. Well most of the time. I love the world to be just all smile but sometimes it's good to have some sadness. I realize this but I don't want to create the sadness in the world. I'll let someone else do that job. Yet it seems that whenever I try to look for my self-happiness, I tend to see that it'll hurt others or make them miserable. Not all the time but most. Theres always a balance between happiness and sadness. There will always be people on both side. As for me, I'm stuck in the middle trying to build a bridge between the two. I hope one day I can bridge it. I hope that one day I can see myself truly happy for what I've done and people can be happy with what I've done for them.

Alright to lighten things up I guess I'll talk about Japan and stuff. Actually I'll talk about it when I come back but the day before I leave, I'll post a list of what I plan to do when I get there. You guys can suggest me some stuff too. Well the day I'm leaving is July 13th and I'm coming back on August 15th. A little over one month but I hope I'll have a great time there. This will be my sightseeing tour to see how Japan really is because I shall be studying abroad maybe in sophomore or junior year for one whole year. I've been currently learning Japanese but I know this won't be enough. I know that the university one is even harder with a 5 day schedule making it more like high school but a little harder. No matter what though, I'll try my best to learn Japanese.

Anyways so this is my new blog site. Xanga was for high school. This will be my main university blog page. I don't know why but as you can see I haven't been adding any "lol" or "haha" yet. It's strange, maybe it's because it's 2 A.M. but I don't know why. I'm even adding punctuations too. Why is that? Well let's see if I can type like this. Well that's about it. I'll add pictures later on to make it seem more interesting then just reading it. Anyways, this page title is "Expect the unexpected". These words have been with me for a while, around five years? I don't know why but these words mean a lot to me. That is why the title of the page is this. My web link is Cho Kimochi which in Japanese means Feels Really Great. I don't know why but I guess it's just a good relief to say Cho Kimochi. Isn't it? Well that's it. Bye Bye